Guess I have never been too far from the area I grew up in....North Dakota, South Dakota.  Your description of the blood, sweat and tears....the bonding between human and animal as they 'care and nurture' one another.....this is what I grew up knowing.  I grew up with the belief that animals were put here to nurture and sustain us and to keep us warm and that we in turn, must nurture and sustain them.

Most of my wimmin friends are or were farm/ranch women/children.  I have listened to them cry when they lost an animal.  I made "baby" blankets out of old blue jeans and flannel to put on the baby lambs for my niece and her hubby because they were so worried about them.

I have heard, on occasion, about those who mistreat their animals.  Very rarely.  They are dealt with.  I have known ranchers to take feed to other  ranches when it was needed there.  My wimmin friends' faces are lined and weathered, their hands callused and scarred, their hips give them trouble and some can't walk too straight anymore because they have been 'rolled' by an animal when they were trying to help that animal.

Our Indigenous sisters and brothers believe that the animals were put here by the Creator for these same reasons.  They never kill an animal without first asking the animal and thanking the animal for giving them sustenance and warmth.  If they accidentally kill any kind of an animal while driving down the highway, even a little bird, they throw tobacco out the window as a means of showing their regret for killing that animal uselessly.

I try to understand how some folks do not go along with this and I respect their right to feel this way.  For me, to is hard to think of any other way, when you have grown up  and live in this part of the country.
 

. . . .  Actually, I did dream of doing just this type of thing..and from the dreams came the way to make it happen.

I see myself, not just as an example for other organic growers, and other farmers, but for women.  My first marriage was such a disaster ( I was such a disaster - low self esteem, no sense of worth, stuck in the patriarchal mindset stuff)that I can realistically say "I am a different person.")  And the reason I am a different person is because I could dream, I could see myself doing the things I am doing now, and being happy with my life.

I can't imagine me doing anything else - this is my destiny, and my purpose for being.

The last few months have been particularly hard for me because I began to doubt myself - not having feedback that I was doing a good job, that my vision for (my work) was not "bought" and seen by others.

But this week, everything has seemed to fall into place, to make sense again, to reaffirm my dreams and goals.  I realize that it did not just fall, I made it happen, but it also is reaffirming to know that others believe in me and my capabilities. And that I am not just "fighting", but making some headway towards the goals as I see them.

I also did some real soul searching around my relationship. So, I called him on Thursday and we had a heart to heart.  .....We did not resolve the issue in one phone conversation, but just being honest about the feelings I am having made me feel better.

I think everyone struggles with this, and that even though I have you all that believe in me, sometimes we doubt even our friends.  We think "they don't really think I am that good, they just don't want me to whine," or that our friends are prejudiced and don't see the realities, or that our friends are only there in the good times and will disappear if I whine too much.

That is one of the many reasons I stay on this list.  Because you all can give me straightforward support, and if you think I need to look at things a little differently, you are not afraid to tell me so.  So, not that I mean to be bragging, but if you can listen to my whining, you should also know that your support through that makes a difference, and that there are times when I am excited and happy too.  or, if I share the down times, I also need to remember to share the good times!? I love you all!

"Welcome to a group of your own kind." I know that you have been lonely for us. I am sure each of us has been in a deep knowing way. I know I certainly have been, and for the first time in years I finally feel part of something that I belong to. I will be at work, and I will be wondering how Cyn is doing with her son, or if it still raining at Lynda's. I will be filling out another long form for funding, or listening to another woman who has no place to go, and think of Terry and Val and Ellen. I will see a touch of green and think of Ann's bright face children and their bonfire. I will be raising my face to the warmth of the sun that's chasing the snow away, and bringing the songbirds and I will think of Susan fighting to keep health alive somewhere in this polluted world. I have made the ruralwomyn page my browser page, and feel myself sigh every time it comes on screen. In a symbolic way, I think of it as Lynda opening the door to our little cottage, saying "Come in, the tea is just ready." And that to me is spirituality. I am one of a collective. Every gift I have exists elsewhere too, and when I need to consult or strengthen or learn these womyn push me and encourage me. Because we share a dream of equality and respect and dignity. So, in this private place where we gather to be who we really are, I hope you too get to laugh at Jo's wit and be tickled by Jacky's sisterly chides. And I hope you will always leave a bit of yourself somewhere for us to enjoy as well.

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